Not fist pumping, but breast pumping

First of all, when I started this blog I thought I would be able to post all of the time.  I thought I would have lots to say about a lot of topics.  Boy, was I wrong.  I barely have time to update my Facebook status and that is one sentence.  Today I have been thinking about pumping.  Unfortunately I think about it a lot since at least three times a day I sit by myself in a room just listening to the sounds "Ok, ok, ok...." That is what is sounds like to me.  A continual annoying sound that is hard to tune out.  At least I have Pandora to listen to in the background.  I think giving my son breast milk instead of formula is both a blessing and a God send.  It has so many benefits.    I love nursing him.  I have plenty of time to do that at the house.  I do not have to worry about cleaning his bottles or feeling like a cow.  But, when I am at work I have to pump for him to have plenty of milk for the next day.  And if I am planning on going anywhere after work or on the weekends I have to make sure he has enough. That is always the fun task of making sure he has enough and not too much.  The milk is like liquid gold in our house.  I refuse to throw it out.  Not like he normally has any left anyway.  So, until he turns one year in November I will be a human cow.  Moo moo!

The guilt of a new mom

I miss my sweet three month old son Peyton's big smile.  I miss his big toothless grin when I am at work each day.  I am a little jealous of the people in his life that get to see him for extended amounts of time during the work week.  I get to see him for such a limited amount of time when I get off.  I try to jam pack as much as I can during that time.  But, I cannot help feeling guilty. Guilty that I might not be there when he rolls over for the first time.  I might not be there to comfort him when he feels bad.  During the weekend it is easier to leave him with Dustin while I run a quick errand.  Peyton is at this great age when everyday is a gift.  He is not mobile yet so I enjoy getting to hold him as much as I can.  I try to nurse him as much as possible while we are both home.  This helps a little with the guilt knowing that I am the only one that can have this special bond with him.  It is almost time to go home for the day.  Oh, how I cannot wait to kiss him and hug him.